Nixta Rolls

Despite being President, this nice little man with big ears and time to appear on Colbert, Conan, and Cairo (not to mention to bring his entourage to Manhattan, providing me with a mediocre thrill that in no way made up for the delay in getting my burger) still needs my donations.

I’ve been asked to contribute whatever I can for some grass-roots organizing or something. Perhaps it will make the grass grow neater? Maybe it’ll fix the bald patches on the Somme reproduction that my landlord calls landscaping (and charges me a happy premium for)?

So, I have tried to donate 1c. It’s all I can afford right now. I need my money in case I get a medical bill. Shit. I still have to send my dentist $108 for the 45 minutes of “cleaning” they put me through (I was spitting out chunks of flesh by the end of it, and 30 minutes in she suggested that I relax and stop writhing to make it easier/quicker - I bet she loves getting the craply-insured, it’s a real release in her otherwise stressful day of politeness).

Can I donate 1c? No. Here’s there response: total amount must be between $5 and $28,500

Give me $28,500 and I’ll donate between $5 and $28,500 right back at you.

In other post-election news, my credit card APRs have gone up and my credit card limits have gone down. I thought the bail-outs were supposed to have the opposite effect, or at least neutralise things?

I’d like to thank my proctologist for taking one look at the amount my insurance suggested I should pay for my check-up and never sending me a bill. Why do the nicest doctors work up my backside and not, say, on my teeth? I wonder if it’s a linear progression along the alimentary system. Are throat doctors total dicks, pancreas experts minor jerks, appendix nerds pretty nice, all in?