Nixta Rolls

Oh… Oh… Oh… Obama! New Hope for the future of orgasms?!

WTF?

A very good and old friend of mine, the ever entrepreneurial Mr. M. Newlands, forwarded me this exclusive marketing offer he’d just been e-mailed from Ann Summers.

Ann Summers epitomises for me what makes me so very uncomfortable with England these days: ordinary (very ordinary) people expressing their sexuality in tawdry fashion on every main street, next to McDonald’s, Carphone Warehouse, The Body Shop, Boots, HMV, Waterstones and of course Top Shop.

The problem is that nobody wants to know about it. We don’t want to have life-sized dolls of a grown up Alice In Wonderland hitching her skirt up winking at us from a shop window as if she was the latest Habitat dining chair. We don’t want to know that the same fatso who stumbled out of John Lewis a moment ago is now perusing glass dildos in an effort to compare them to one-another, as if that was going to achieve anything, or worse still asking if they have a size 16 Wonder Woman outfit to go with the gold plastic handcuffs she found in the bargain returns bin.

The Brits are a perverted bunch of freaks, but they’re much better served keeping those perversions under wraps. There is beauty in mystery. There is none in Ann Summers.

Here’s a PDF of the webpage. NSWF, but worth scrolling down to get a taste for the simplistic and lazy gimmickry and wordplay that seems to pass for good copy these days.